• Hidayah: Ben

Letter to a Muslim Sibling

Hello, this is a letter for You. I believe you should keep this to yourself and think about it in your own time. Forgive me for sending this through like this. You don't know me, but I write to you in peace and from my heart, because this is something very important and very delicate. I don't know if you are aware of this, but please, I beg you (and your family) to be careful with your words and opinions that could come across as hateful regarding something you might not fully understand. Maybe it isn't your intention, but you must know that this is happening. Someone close to you (that you probably have no idea about) could be secretly dying inside because of what is being said and expected by their dear ones. If you grow up surrounded in an enviorment that hates your nature, life becomes unbearable. Those words of hate, spoken by the family you love, hammer inside your mind every moment of your life. You see how your parents look at you with pride in their eyes for all that you have accomplished in life until now and then you see their tears of concern. You don't want to hurt them with this truth about you. And all this makes you feel guilty of betraying your loved ones with something you have no control of, with something you didn't choose. But still, without knowing, your family speaks words of hate about the way you are and you have to hide your true feelings. When family and friends have bad opinions about this way of being then you feel helpless, paralized, worthless and wrong. The only thing that is really wrong is hate, denial and lack of knowledge regarding the matter. But I assure you, this is not a choice! Who would be so stupid to choose to be something that others would hate? You can't control how your heart feels. This is nature and is only about being able to truly love and live in accordance to what our soul tells us. Science and Psychology have proven it, Conversion Therapy does not work (and is a crime towards one's true nature) and the interpretation about Prophet Lut (P.B.U.H) has unfortunately been wrongly interpreted for too many years. They count on your love, support and acceptance. You are their family, you are their friend. If you demonstrate hate towards this aspect of life they will have to lie to you and other people to protect themselves. I will repeat this: they lie only to protect themselves. Not because they want to keep secrets from you but because those words of hate have brought them to hide all this from you. They are forced to live a life that is not theirs, a life that other people expect and that is killing them slowly inside. As I was saying, they count on your love and support. But they are afraid you will not understand and accept them. Give them a chance to be truly happy and be with who they truly love. It's not about anything else but love. Don't force and pressure them into doing something only because of old traditions that could lead - God Forbid! - to suicide. They would live a fake and sad life only to make the family happy, but the sacrifice would cost them their true happiness, love and life fulfillment... and this could lead to very very bad things. You might not realize how this is psychological violence for their mind which can become very damaging and dangerous. Suicide has been the only answer for too many unfortunate LGBT men and women rejected by family or pressured to get married. This way of treating people must be stopped! Life is too valuable to be lost like this. I'm sure you wouldn't want this to happen to someone dear to you... and it could happen if you are not careful. The pain and tears I have seen and witnessed are too real. The years of loneliness and the unability to express one's feeling are not right for a human being. Nobody deserves to be hated because of love. How can you hate love? This pain is being kept secret because they are afraid of family's rejection. Would you reject someone dear to you only because of a different way of feeling Love (that they did not choose)? Words can heal, or kill: choose them wisely. Love, acceptance and understanding are the way towards Peace and Happiness. Please, choose words that heal and show love. If you have any idea (or intuition) that somebody could be feeling this way, hiding this from you, then please, please, please... do this: Slowly, gently and privately - as a mother would - speak words of love and acceptance to them, comfort them like a child - their soul has been crying in silence for too many years. I have seen this with my own eyes. "They" could be your Son or Daughter, Brother or Sister, Father or Mother, Uncle or Aunt, even your Cousin or just a Friend. Would you let them live their entire life with such pain hidden inside of them? You have the power to sooth their pain. Don't waste the chance of doing something good and that is really needed. Let them feel safe with you. Let them feel accepted and protected. Let them share their truth with you. Only you have to know, nobody else should matter. Family is the most important thing, nobody else has to know anything. Don't make them feel embarrassed because of the way they are, you could heal their broken soul and make them discover that they are accepted... and you would be greatly rewarded for your act of kindness. You would see the joy and happiness in their eyes. Their burden will disappear. Their cage will finally be open and they will find freedom from this unbearable guilt they feel inside. I hope these words have reached you in the way I meant them to reach you: with kindness and understanding. I have been through it. I have tried to change. I have prayed so much (like many others) until acceptance came to me as an answer from God. I have been lucky to have had the right support. You can be of support too. I know it can be difficult. But only we can make the difference for the person we love. Nobody else will do it. I chose Love. This is why I wrote to you. In this period of Ramadan we must be close to those in need. I can't turn my back on someone who is suffering and who I truly love from the depths of my heart and soul. Please don't turn your back. May Peace be with you and your dear ones. May Life gift you with everything you need and want - and let's wish the same for others, even if they are different from us. They deserve it. Thank You, and God Bless you. P. S. Much more could be said in regards to this matter, but I will leave it to this: Please open your heart and try to understand. Choose Love, not hate. Someone close to you could desperately need your help but is too afraid to ask. Maybe time is running out. Show them you care and that you will protect them. Let them know that you accept them anyway and anyhow, because I know they love you deeply, they would do anything for you and are really afraid of losing you. Please Love them back.

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